Rachel Taylor Geier

Greetings and welcome to a new Flute Friday.

As we round the corner into The Holiday Break, I find myself reminiscing on the past year. I don’t know about you, but I’ve learned a lot about the person that I am and the person that I want to be. I’ve also learned a lot about the teacher I want to be. Some of these lessons have been introduced through super awesome sessions with my students and others through observations in various other environments. One of the biggest puzzles I’ve struggled with is the value of being “direct.” Today I am sharing some of my thoughts about “directness” in the studio environment and perhaps alternatives to consider in the year ahead.

I’ve never been a direct person. A shy kid from the Christmas Tree farm, stern commands from loud voices often frightened me. I needed time to process. I needed time to understand what exactly those voices were demanding, why they were asking, and how to best to deliver whatever it was with a smile and bit of magical pixie dust. As I grew older, I found myself in situations where that processing time did not exist. My inherited Irish temper would often kick in to protect me from direct tongue-lashings about what I was doing wrong or why I wasn’t good enough at something. While Taylor Swift may have a “long list of ex-lovers,” I have a long list of ex-traumas. Many of these came from conductors. I’ve met my fair share of great conductors who encourage their musicians to create beautiful, stress-free music. And I’ve also met the super direct, angry conductors that throw temper-tantrums when the music is imperfect, instilling fear into their players to play it well or don’t play it at all. I’ve never resonated with the latter, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are more of us out there with the same story. All of these experiences have taught me about the type of teacher, and frankly, the kind of person I would rather be. And she is not direct. She is not stern. She never wants others to feel threatened, intimidated, or cause any kind of residual trauma. As I try to patch up wounds from the unapologetically “direct” people in my past and present, I do what I can to protect others when I sense they are also struggling, reaching out with words of encouragement (or at least a funny GIF or two to help them reframe the situation).

While this is how I experience the world, I do understand that being direct does have its advantages. Being direct helps get your needs, wants, thoughts, and directives out in the most efficient way possible. There is no question what your objectives are when you are direct. I can understand why conductors lean towards direct communication as they are dealing with a number of musicians at once with very limited rehearsal time to work with.

Yet, I think there is a fine line between being “direct” and being just downright rude. Scrooge was a direct communicator. An internet full of Karens are also direct communicators.

As I write this, I am watching Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. In one of her songs, she sings the line, “So casually cruel in the name of being honest.” This perfectly sums up the effect that overly direct communicators have on indirect processors. And the sad part is they often do not reflect on the effect their words have others, as long as their own objective are being met.

Direct communicators often mask their rudeness behind their “direct” persona that they wear as a badge of honor. This year I have been lectured by such communicators on the various ways I can deal when I have an issue with their style. No apologies. No understanding. No listening to another perspective. Just icy directives illustrating that I am in the wrong.

What has this taught me?

I was already a disciple of the 7 learning styles, and embrace that we have all different ways we process information. But we also have different approaches to communication. Words have a lot of power to both help and hurt us. I want all of my students to feel safe learning in way that resonates best with them and I want my communication style to invite that safeness. I want to be a positive presence in other’s lives – Not one that frightens them, stresses them out, or leaves unrepairable scars.

I encourage all of us to reflect on our communication style in the new year. An indirect approach is not the only way to go, but being kind to others and understanding where students, colleagues, family, and friends are coming from is a good way to build lasting, meaningful relationships in the new year and for many years to come.

What is your communication style? How do you modify your communication for different learners or personalities? What place does direct and indirect communication have in the studio environment. Please comment below!

Happy fluting and Happy Holidays!