Rachel Taylor Geier

Greetings and welcome to a new Flute Friday! I’ve discussed perfectionism a lot on this platform in several past blog posts. Performing musicians are often tasked with somehow achieving excellence/near perfection in our performances, whether that objective is self-imposed or demanded by a conductor or well-meaning teacher. On the path to perfection (which, let’s be honest doesn’t exist as the definition of “perfect” is really based on different perspectives), we often meet perfection’s annoying little sister, criticism. Before I launch into today’s discussion, I just want to offer the disclaimer that I am no expert in handling criticism. I am constantly working on this for myself with a talented therapist and a toolbox of techniques to maintain my sanity in the face of criticism. In today’s blog, I am sharing some of these tools from the super helpful to the downright practical. The next time you are staring down a conductor who is ripping your solo to shreds, remember these tips to help keep you stay grounded on your quest to undeniable greatness.

First thing’s first – What is their Motivation? Why is this person criticizing you? Where are they coming from? Is it a place of being helpful or hurtful? And the big question – Are they just doing their job? This last one has been a hard pill for me to swallow. Much of the criticism throughout my flute career that has left lasting scars on my heart was given to me by teachers and conductors who were literally just trying to do their job. A teacher criticizes because they want you to improve (and know you can do it). A conductor is paid to help the ensemble, and everyone in it, sound the best they possibly can. If you were in their shoes, you would want to do the best job you could, right? True, the way that some folks approach it isn’t the best and may come off like an attack. But remember: If they didn’t think you could do it, they wouldn’t have even bothered. If they are trying to be hurtful, on the other hand, do you have any motivation to accept their critiques? Perhaps not. Do you have to? Nope.

Could they just be having a bad day? Sometimes folks are stressed out by other things in their life and their fuse has simply run short. Perhaps they were stuck in traffic for most of the morning. Or they are hangry because they forgot to grab lunch before teaching for endless hours. Maybe they were criticized by their own boss and just can’t even right now with anything. They could have had an argument with family members earlier in the day. Although difficult to remember in the moment, do your best to empathize if the criticism seems to be coming from a strange place. Give them a break. If it seems odd, ask them to clarify in a day or two.

Try not to react immediately. I know – You probably want to either break down and cry or tell them they are cray using some not so nice words. But this does not do any good and just leads to tension and anxiety. Who can function properly like that?! Instead, put on your game face. If they ask you to play something again in a different way, try your best to honor what they are asking but remind yourself that you can work on it later once you’ve had time to absorb exactly what needs changing.

Ask clarifying questions. It is totally okay to ask follow-up questions so you can understand why changes are needed and how best to go about making them. Again, file most of these away if you can’t make them right away. Knowing the underlying “why” will give you the motivation to tackle them later by convincing your brain that they are indeed needed and achievable.

Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Progress over perfection is a very useful phrase in the face of criticism. And also, nobody is perfect. But also, being perfect is boring. So instead of being sad that you have something to work on, use this as an opportunity to improve. Reward yourself for making any changes that are asked of you. Facing challenges and achieving goals is how we become better musicians. And frankly, better people.

Okay, the number one best piece of advice, are you ready: Give yourself time and space to digest the criticism and tackle it efficiently and creatively. There is a wonderful concept in therapy called the “Wise Mind” theory. Essentially this involves taking the time to remove ourselves from the scary environment that posed the problem in order to instead pull it apart quietly and rationally. (For more on this concept, check out the following video:  https://youtu.be/MLnUvxg_9po?si=oNNt1Y8f1fOzTf1P) Make notes of what is being suggested and save them for later when you are calm, cool, and collected and can think clearly. You don’t have to correct issues ASAP. This will give you the opportunity to think about a suggestion and decide 1.) if you even agree with it and 2.) what the best way is to achieve the desired results. You may find as you are woodshedding the issue that there is a far better, more efficient way to achieve the same thing. You may even realize that it will take more time than you thought. Oh well! Come up with a plan and test out your ideas. This makes the subject of the criticism not so daunting. It can be handled, and you can do this!

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How do you handle criticism? Do you have any great stories of times when you took criticism lemons and turned them into lemonade? What helps you stay grounded in the face of criticism? Please comment below.

Happy fluting!