Rachel Taylor Geier

Greetings and welcome to a new Flute Friday. Today’s post is about facing the truth. So often in our world we are taught that the show must go on, even if the proverbial train is on fire and heading quickly off a deep, rocky cliff. We slap on a smile and pretend everything is perfect and wonderful when really we are hiding behind a lot of debilitating insecurities. We turn imperfection into a bad thing that must be avoided at all costs. Avoiding imperfections is why many of us battle with performance anxiety. We build up the need to be perfect into something so completely unhealthy (and unattainable) that we lose track of what is really important – Our love of what we do. In today’s blog, I want to be the catalyst for all of us to finally feel safe to admit where we fall short – And not as a stage for our inner critics to pontificate about all the things we do wrong. Instead, I want us to confess that although we are indeed not perfect, we are courageous enough to tackle our insecurities to build ourselves into far better flutists in the future. Today I lay out my own confessions as a struggling flutist. 

Why is building and publishing this list important? Why should you create your own list?

If we admit where we are struggling, it no longer has power over us. It is no longer a secret in a box torturing us on the daily. It is simply a problem awaiting a solution. A yellow brick road paving the way to Oz. Fear unleashed!

And now without further adieu….

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CONFESSIONS OF A STRUGGLING FLUTIST

1. I often fear that I do not live up to my credentials. I imagine that people expect me to be a perfect performer that can play anything at a drop of a hat. I psyche myself out trying to live up to the expectations that I believe others have of my flute playing.
2. I am super uncomfortable with sight-reading. As a type-A planner-type, I find it difficult and distracting to go with the flow and accept whatever mistakes I make without letting them derail my playing.
3. I am paranoid about my intonation, even if I know I am in tune. I often accept that I must tune to others rather than they tune to me.
4. I have not given a full flute recital in the past couple of years, because I didn’t feel I had enough time to make my performance flawless.
5. I surprise myself when I play well.
6. I often make excuses when others give me compliments (“It was nothing..,” “It wasn’t me – The piece played itself.”).
7. I sometimes avoid posting videos of my playing because the ones I have don’t seem good enough and I am afraid of negative comments.
8. I don’t perform in enough ensembles.
9. I have a full-time job outside of my flute career that sometimes distracts me from crushing it more in my flute life.
10. I don’t have enough students – I love teaching and want to teach more!
11. My website needs a serious update. So does my CV…
12. I don’t charge enough for lessons and often downplay my own worth.
13. I find it difficult to organize my time well enough to practice regularly, particularly during my power hours.
14. I am not great at playing Jazz tunes.
15. I sometimes don’t post to social media on a regular schedule. I start a series and abandon it because my time management skills are not great.
16. I sometimes forget to take care of my instrument with a regularly planned COI. 
17. My Irish temper flares up when others question my interpretation of a piece.
18. Sometimes I say I will only practice for an hour but end up going for 2 hours. Other times I procrastinate practicing at all by doing other random, unimportant tasks.
19. Sometimes my practice sessions are unstructured and super unproductive.
20. I have spent most of my flute career battling with performance anxiety. The more I advanced in my career, the more my anxiety began to grow. I struggle to this day.

The items above have not stopped me from being a boss babe flutist, flute teacher, writer, blogger, and flute influencer. They simply show me what I can work on and where I can begin to lay the groundwork for action plans to tackle my limitations. Limitations are not set in stone. They are challenges that can be tackled slowly and with a plan. When you name them, call them out, put them on a list, they no longer have power over you. You become the master and commander of your own weakness, essentially taking the “weak” out of “weakness.”

Now it’s your turn! What are your flute confessions? What are you working on to improve in your flute life? Create your own list! You don’t have to tackle every single one at once. Select your top three. What can you do in the next week to work on these things? Comment below!

Happy fluting!