Rachel Taylor Geier

Greetings and welcome to a new Flute Friday!

Have you ever felt like you were in over your head? Maybe you landed a great chair position in a super awesome orchestra but found yourself totally doubting your own flute playing at the first rehearsal. Maybe you made a few mistakes out of nervousness. Was your first thought something along the lines of, “I knew it! I’m not actually good enough for this gig.”? Or maybe you received a large scholarship to attend the music school of your dreams but when you got there were placed last chair in the okay-but-not great band. Did you think, “I knew it! It was a fluke that I got that scholarship. When they figure I’m not that great of a flutist, they will take my scholarship away.” What you experienced is called “imposter syndrome.” In nutshell, imposter syndrome is a fancy name for the feelings of self-doubt and perceptions of personal incompetence that sometimes occur in life when we are presented with challenges. These circumstances trigger a conflict between the way you see yourself (and your flute playing), the way others see you (and your flute playing), and the evidence that either supports or refutes those feelings. In today’s blog, I will discuss what imposter syndrome is, how it develops, what it may look like for flutists, and how to address it when it shows up in your own life. Imposter syndrome is often the imposter of truth. Living and owning your own awesomeness is the easiest way to send that imposter packing!

What exactly is “Imposter Syndrome”? Imposter syndrome involves strong feelings of doubt and incompetence. According to Better Up, “Imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like “a fraud” or “a phony” and doubting their abilities.” https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-imposter-syndrome-and-how-to-avoid-it#:~:text=Imposter%20syndrome%20is%20the%20condition,phony%22%20and%20doubting%20their%20abilities. In response to that feeling, we often end up overworked and stressed out trying to hold ourselves to the high, and often unachievable, standards we’ve built in our heads. This pressure and anxiety can take a huge toll on our emotional well-being and performance. If you’ve practiced the same passage over and over and over in the practice room just to butcher it out of nervousness at the final performance, you might know exactly what I am talking about. Another example of imposter syndrome shows up when you’ve totally and completely slayed a performance but write off your success as just “good luck” and not based on your own skill or ability. You may convince yourself that you haven’t actually earned your own wins and that somebody will soon find out that you aren’t that great of a flutist. Of course, this may be far from the truth, but you’ve convinced yourself otherwise. The result? You end up pressuring yourself to work harder than everybody around you to become worthy of opportunities you don’t believe you really deserve. You stress out trying to be the flutist that you assume others want you to be rather than the flutist that you truly are. When we are in this mindset, it is easy to brush off accomplishments as “illusions” of success – Magic tricks we have created so others don’t think less of us as musicians. Whenever you make mistakes (like we all do), you may take all the blame, magnifying these minor errors to represent much more than a missed accidental here or there. They essentially become a representation of alleged failure as a flutist. Queue in the ugly cycle of anxiety, depression, guilt, and fear that you will be “discovered.” That is enough to crush and burn out the best of flutists!

But….feelings are not facts. It is good to acknowledge and identify these feelings, but are they really representations of the truth? Most of the time, this is a resounding no!

Types of Imposter Syndrome. The idea that there are five main types of imposters comes from Dr. Valerie Young in her 2011 book, “The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It.”

• The Perfectionist. We flutist know this one well! This is often why we end up practicing the same piece, and sometimes even the same passage, over and over again in the practice room. The perfectionist is focused on how well they perform and demand perfection not only in their flute playing but in all aspects of life. This is not a realistic goal (even for the best of us). Perfectionists sometimes avoid trying new things if they believe they can’t do them perfectly on the first try. Sound familiar? (Sure does to me!)
• The Natural Genius. Or, for musicians, this is the problem of the prodigy. Geniuses (like Mozart) pick up things with little effort and sometimes expect literally everything that comes to them to be easy. Again, unrealistic. But disheartening to the natural genius who may feel shame and embarrassment when they don’t understand something as easily as they expect.
• The Soloist. Another shout out to musicians! The soloist believes the only way to do something right is to do it themselves. If they can’t achieve success on their own, without help from their network, they perceive themselves as a fraud. Another unrealistic expectation. Asking or accepting help is not a failure. Often it actually leads to success!
• The Expert. This is the flutist that burns the midnight oil trying to learn everything about everything because they feel a constant pressure to have all of the answers. I’d love to rename this “DMA Syndrome.” We have the degree. We’ve done the time. We’ve put in the research and writing hours. We often end up completely burned out at the end of our degree programs. And yet, when we don’t understand something or something happens that we cannot explain, we are left with the idea that we should be able to do more or figure it out. If we can’t we are somehow a failure.
• The Superhero. This is the flutist that wears all of the hats – performer, teacher, entrepreneur, social media influencer, mom/dad, CEO, etc – but demands success in all of these roles at the same time. They push themselves to the limit, draining their energy to keep all of the plates spinning (I don’t know about you, but this one hits VERY close to home). Again, unrealistic. But the superhero is always left feeling that this should be more easily achievable. They must be doing something wrong if they can’t do and be everything for everybody.

Where does it come from? Competitive ensemble programs in our youth may be to blame. Why? Often imposter syndrome comes from the pressure to do well in school, being compared to friends and sometimes family members, and mistakes that are sharply criticized. Of course, we are all different and different learning types and personalities may have interpreted these things in a positive or negative light. College is also a place where imposter syndrome shows its ugly head, particularly when we perceive our classmates as more intelligent or gifted than us, leading some of us to feel that we don’t really belong in college (despite our accomplishments prior to freshmen year).

What can we do about it? There are a few very practical, easy ways to combat imposter syndrome when it shows up:

• Name it! A few weeks ago, I posted a blog called, “Confessions of a Struggling Flutist.” What I was accomplishing with this blog, that I urge all of my readers also battling with imposter syndrome to do, is identify what is stressing you out. If you are not comfortable writing and posting a big, long list of all your pain points, start by discussing your top three with a trusted friend or mentor who may be able to offer a different perspective. You may be overthinking things or imposing unrealistic expectations on yourself. Imposters have something to hide. So, do the opposite! Expose the imposter. Chances are the imposter is just a trickster in your own head telling you lies based in fear and not reality.
• Connect with other flutists! There are so many of us that have suffered from imposter syndrome! You are not alone! Hit up your favorite flute friend or two. Start a group Zoom call to vent. Offer support. Share your wins and workshop your pain points. You may need other perspectives. Your colleagues can help you reframe your anxiety.
• Find the Facts! This has been the most important technique for me as I have dealt with my own imposter syndrome. If you are feeling not great about your flute playing, take a minute to explore the evidence. What in your life points to your success as a flutist? If you have achieved degrees, held awesome chair placements in ensembles, hosted masterclasses and recitals, taught students who thought you were the bees knees, write it all down. I will say it again: Feelings are not facts. You might feel super crappy about missing an accidental here and there at a performance, but those accidentals do not negate or take away the fact that you have accomplished so much more in your flute life, suggesting you are actually an awesome flutist. Own your awesomeness! Keep this list handy somewhere you can reference it when you start to feel self-doubt creep in. The facts are the facts are the facts – they do not change. Feelings are fleeting and subjective.
• Find your strengths and celebrate them! Not every flutist is the same. Yes, we play some of the same repertoire and excerpts, but at the end of the day we all have different strengths, interests, and niches. Celebrate these things! If you aren’t good at something, accept it and let it go. Why? Because your challenges do not take anything away from your wins. Nobody has to be perfect at anything. Give yourself permission to simply be the flute player you are, with no questions asked or demands imposed. You do you!

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Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? Do you have a story about a time that you conquered imposter syndrome? What has worked best for you to address and tackle this mental distortion? Please comment below!

Happy fluting!