Happy Monday, Everyone. Welcome to a new Flute Friday (not on Friday).

I don’t know about all of you, but I have had a terrible week and need a good laugh. Today’s post is a collection of the top 20 flute jokes I have found on the internet (rated G, of course!). None of these jokes are meant to offend so please do not take them personally. We have to be able to laugh at ourselves once in a while, right? Enjoy and remember to laugh a little whenever times get tough.

TOP 20 FLUTE JOKES

1. Q: What’s the definition of a minor second? A: Two flutes playing in unison.
2. Q: Why was the flutist arrested? A: He was in treble.
3. Q: What musical instrument would a cucumber play? A: A pickle-o.
4. Q: What does a flute and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
5. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the flute recital.
6. Q: What’s the difference between a flutist and god? A: God doesn’t think he’s a flutist.
7. Why do all the other wood-wind instrument players envy flutes? Because they’re the only winds eligible for the no-bell prize.
8. A flute player and a fiddle player were standing on a sinking ship. “Help!” cried the fiddle player, “I can’t swim!” “Don’t worry,” said the flute player, “just fake it.”
9. What’s the range of a piccolo? About thirty yards, if you have a good arm.
10. Flute: A sophisticated pea shooter with a range of up to 500 yards, blown transversely to confuse the enemy.
11. A young child told his mother “When I grow up I’m going to be a flutist.” His mother responded, “Well honey, you know you can’t do both.”
12. Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, “Who was that flute I saw you with last night?” The other replies, “That was no flute, that was my fife.”
13. Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.
14. Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories? A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.
15. Q: How do you get a million dollars playing the flute? A: Start off with 2 million.
16. Q: What’s the difference between a flutist and garbage? A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.
17. Q: What’s the definition of an optimist? A: A flutist with a mortgage.
18. Q: How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen? A: Leave it in a flute case.
19. Marriage is like playing the flute. It looks easy until you try it.
20. If a flute player and drummer got in a fight, who would win? It’s a trick question. There would be no fight. The flute player would whine until they got their own way!

Happy Fluting!